chapter 81: i hate science; no, you love it

another coma

what do you do when you’re obsessed with an idea, when it overtakes you, when it infects you, when you lose the distinction between the idea and yourself, and then when the idea (or is it you?) needs to speak, to speak itself, or possibly use you, whatever tiny idea you have left of yourself as an i, as a self, as it’s vehicle to infect others but finds your tools of expression so inadequate, so lacking in the ability to send out a copy of itself to another brain, another information processor, who will then have to make a copy of that copy that still bears enough resemblance to the original that it can infect another host, and you, that little idea of you that’s left, that’s watching this whole thing go down, what do you do? speak in fragments.

that’s too dramatic.

already i’ve missed my point. which is about the reduction of all things.

so we all know god is dead. but what does that really mean?

god as we knew it. think bigger. i mean smaller. god as i knew it. god as i understood it. the god i ordered my understanding of the universe around. simpler: the world, myself and my relationship to the world .

so i meant, i know that god died, but what does that really mean for me, the universe and my relationship to the universe.

but is he dead? don’t use he. is god dead? god is the name i use for nothing. god is the name i use for THE GREAT IMPROBABILITY. because if god’s not dead, it’s talking to me in code. seek and ye shall find, that kind of shit. but it takes some serious seeking. and none of it makes any sense, but still THE GREAT IMPROBABILITY remains.

but still, man. this is just an act too. you know, all the world is a stage and shit like that. this is the role you play.

then this is the role i play. i might be embarrassed about the part, but it’s the only one i could get.