chapter 5: this one time a car crashed right in our front yard

i just woke up from a coma. i can't remember anything that's happened in the last two months.

there are these microorganism called water bears or something. they look like this:





















scary, i guess. keep in mind that they're so small you need a microscope to see such details. anyway, they have an interesting ability: they can slow down their metabolism to practically zero and survive for like hundreds of years in this state without any water. the days, years, decades, centuries or whatever they spend in this kind of hibernation state doesn't count against their life expectancy. so if their life expectancy is like fifty years (i dont remember what their life expectancy actually is) they can live their first 29 years then go into their suspended animation state for 500 years and wake up in the future and they still have 21 years left to live. does that make sense? in other words, they pretty much aren't alive during their hibernation but as soon as they run into to water, they continue their pre-hibernation life like nothing has happened. and they do look kind of like bears what with their claws.

my earliest memory is getting hit by a car. i was three and big-wheeling my way over to my friend's house. he lived three houses away meaning i had to clear two driveways before reaching my destination. i cleared the first driveway no problem. but i got hit by a car backing out of the second driveway. that was the day princess diana married prince charles.